I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
