i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
