i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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