Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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