found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
