i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
