Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
