I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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