hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
