He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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