She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Randomize
