weddingsv make me drug and hornr
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
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