Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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