I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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