so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Sext me about skeletons
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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