Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
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