Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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