you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
