Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
