the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
