Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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