Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
