i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
