you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
