I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
