dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I think people are normalizing furries
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
