Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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