I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
