Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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