The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
