you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
