I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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