we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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