Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
True strength comes from lack of pants
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Randomize
