oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
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