The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
