I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
