I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Randomize
