So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
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