Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize
