Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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