I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
