i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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