You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
