Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
sick fucks of a feather flock together
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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