Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
