At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
