Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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