the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
