You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
