New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
