so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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