Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
