Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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